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Odd Angles
Packaderm: Ladies, if you haven't done it already, it's time to pack it in. So get your suitcases, backpacks and garment bags.Although vacation packing should create excitement, to most women it brings on "the packing mood," which makes family members cower at the sight of an open duffle. "What's wrong with ... ?" "Ryan, slowly back out of the room. Mommy is packing."
Women are the ones who experience the mood because we do all the vacation packing. Otherwise, minivans clogging the Bay Bridge would have roofs loaded with bulging Hefty trash bags hastily tied down with twine from Lowe's.
We women dread packing because of the concern about forgetting something -- a worry that, at times, becomes overly enthusiastic (my husband prefers "fanatical"). But healthy fear prevents bad things from happening, like the time I forgot to pack a "car bag": snacks and activities for the six-hour drive to Long Island. Forced to improvise, we played license plate poker for the first hour -- it's not nearly satisfying as you would think winning 50 cents from a 5-year-old. We drew on windows with spit, played Mad Libs, which unfailingly ended up with sentences like, "My poopy Uncle Poop pooped when he went to the poop store," watched the vein on Daddy's forehead get bigger and closed with a screaming contest (I won). That was around the time the size of Daddy's vein peaked.
Ever since then, I carefully pack, my husband mentally prepares and we infrequently drive to Long Island.
Vacation packing tests organizational skills, memory, patience, weather forecasting, itinerary planning, destination details and knowledge of your child's moods, interests and tastes. "The amusement park doesn't permit food to be brought in -- better bring $1,200 for soda." "Timmy's been interested in trying the potty lately -- better discourage that before the trip."
As a gift to new mothers, here is a partial list derived from 20 years of vacation packing:
Pants and shorts, sweatshirts and T-shirts, sneakers and sandals. Plan for every kind of weather system because Mother Nature likes to give preparedness pop quizzes. I failed miserably nine years ago when a torrential downpour hit Busch Gardens. How I wasn't prepared for water at Water Country USA remains a mystery.
Number of undergarments packed = number of vacation days x 12.
Beach toys AND pool toys which, to the uninitiated, seems redundant. Ahh, rookies.
Small, medium and refrigerator-size coolers. Food must always be on hand because heat, activity and omnipresent vendors selling overpriced snacks can trigger a child's appetite.
Bathing suits and beach towels, neither of which your children have socially or physically outgrown. Example: Speed Racer, cool; Thomas the Tank Engine, humiliating.
Address book and stamps to send postcards bragging about your trip or signaling for help.
Coins for hotel vending machine. Sure, you'll vow to keep the kiddies off soda. But after three days of whining you'll give in and toss them a baggie loaded with quarters for the momentary peace you'll get while they chug LiveWire Mountain Dew.
Items that could easily be found in stores once you've arrived but that you'll haul from home for no apparent reason -- the heavier and bulkier the better (e.g., 64-oz. Juicy Juice, laundry detergent, 24-pack toilet paper).
On your kitchen table, leave behind a children's DVD and a bottle of Advil. That way you're prepared for your vacation unpacking mood.
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